A new day and yet i felt grumpy and despondant.....i think because of too little sleep but i also felt so angry! Angry at myself for being such an idealistic fool, angry at those who took advantage of that and again angry at myself for allowing that to happen. I feel always as though I am two women in one; the sweet innocent but gullible little fool and the worldly, capable but not so nice woman....I wish i could bring them togethet to bond together.
To compound this anger, i was contacted by all the people I had no desire to hear from....I smiled and laughed and wished them all the most pleasant of Ramadans, then felt like banging my head because of my stupidity.....why oh why do I always try to be nice???? I once thought this was stronger, to smile at those who had wronged you- turn the other cheek if you will but no, I think this is just an inability to do otherwise.
I know I said it would require small steps to get over this but this is ridiculous!!!
But then it just struck me...it takes very little to be civil for somone one cares nothing for.